Interoffice Clan Wars !!
By Steven Pentecost

The camera eases in with a twinge of sunlight gleaming from the side. There is a heavy taste of dust in the air of the business offices on the de Chagny chateau. Kenetchi Shirley has her robe and sandals on, along with her fake Japanese mustache and ponytail. She is now a full member of Clan Dispatch. Across from her sits her former pupil and star student Fiony Son. Kenetchi Shirley stares at her with squinted eyes. Fiony Son stares back. Fiony Son has also taken on her clan’s dress and colors. She has put on her trademark samurai thin mustache and ponytail as well. I could explain why these two are meeting here today but I think these tense moments will explain in better detail than I ever could. Let’s listen in.

Kenetchi Shirley: So...Fiony Son...We meet again.
Fiony Son: Yes, Kenetchi Shirley...Only I now return a master of the phone and vendor list.
Kenetchi Shirley: You dishonor us, Fiony Son...You steal our vendors and plunder our snack machines.
Fiony Son: No !! It is Yooou who dishonors the Shipbuilder’s Clan, Kenetchi Shirley! You steal our office supplies and pens.
Kenetchi Shirley points at Fiony Son: Today we settle the vendor honor war. Are you prepared to do battle!!
Fiony Son replies smugly, twirling with her computer mouse: You are no match for my Mouse of Fury.
Kenetchi Shirley laughs: You forget Fiony Son. I created that move. I will counter with Clicking Keyboard Hidden Stapler.

At this point our two combatants begin circling facing one another.

Kenetchi Shirley: Are you sure that you would not prefer to cancel your purchase orders, Fiony Son? Rather than suffer the dishonor of defeat?
Fiony Son swings mouse at Kenetchi Shirley: I will never dishonor Clan de Chagny!!
Kenetchi Shirley blocks with her keyboard: Very well then, Fiony Son. As you wish !!
Fiony Son pulls out three projectiles: Taste Clan de Chagny’s Throwing Squares!! (Fiony throws 3.5 disks at Kenetchi Shirley.)
Kenetchi Shirley blocks with pad of legal paper: Your Throwing Squares are useless against me!! (Kenetchi Shirley deploys rapid-fire stapler.)
Fiony Son gets a staple in the knee: You fight well, Kenetchi Shirley, but can you block Rubber Band Pop?!!
Kenetchi Shirley is struck by the rubber band: Your skills have grown but...

At this point The Phantom walks by and it all changes to happy office environment. An instant later he is gone.

Kenetchi Shirley: But I am still master of the phone! (Kenetchi Shirley begins twirling handset.)

At this point Erik lets his chief shipbuilder, Jessup Bellisario, know that he has canceled one new order in the interest of obtaining better pricing. As Bellisario’s secretary, Steve, picks up the phone to receive the boss’ call, he is innocently flung into the middle of the vendor combat zone. Seeing Steve with the phone in hand and vendor availability at stake they quickly vanquish well-meaning Steve and work out a compromise now that the schedules do not conflict. Is this the end of the Interoffice Clan Match? Or could it be...as remote as the possibility might seem…just the end of lunch?

READER COMMENTS

Erik does indeed have his hands full. Very well written.
Etienne

Great story! Very creative, I’m still laughing.
G.K. Sinclair