The Lead In for Today's
-Peoples Court-

by Steven Pentecost

First from the perspective of the co-defendants: Armand Moncharmin and Firmin Richard

It was a glorious morning in Paris. It was March 17th which is known the world over as St. Patrick's Day and although Armand and Firmin were running late, they were both in exceptionally good moods. They believed they’d finally squelched the theater troupe’s fear of all things ghost-related. With O.G. defeated, gone were the misgivings about traversing long winding corridors, working on the wide-open stage scenery, and testing untrustworthy lighting. People afraid to enter Box 5 were just a laughable memory now. There had been an early morning shower and there was still the scent of moisture in the air. The sunshine was just starting to over come the rooftops of buildings and the very first gleam of light was washing the front entrance of the Opera House with the light of a new day. Just as they were taking it all in, a light drizzle began falling over the grand theater. To their amazement, the early morning light refracted through the light rain –causing a rainbow to appear on the very steps of the front entrance. Armand and Firmin could not believe what they were seeing! This was the closest they'd had ever been (and likely would ever be) to a rainbow’s end. The colors were blindingly brilliant; they could not take their eyes off them. Just at that moment, a small man stepped through the brilliance of the rainbow. Dressed in green and wearing of all things, a plethora of gold jewelry! Of all the days, what were the odds of seeing a Leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day at the end of a rainbow?! Their minds began to race, matched only by the beating of their excited hearts. Armand’s first thoughts were as to the location of their camera, but then another thought occurred. That of an old child’s tale. He blurted out the adage: If you capture a Leprechaun at the end of the rainbow he must give you all his gold! The pair in the approaching carriage eyed the gold jewelry the little sprite was wearing. Necklaces...rings... All were quite valuable. No longer worried about getting proof they’d actually seen a Leprechaun, Armand’s greedy eyes met Firmin’s in mutual understanding. They were of one accord, their thoughts totally bent on capturing the little guy and taking his gold. With his cigarette perched in the side of his mouth and a dozen or so curlers bouncing in his hair, Armand was the first to dart across the stones of the circular courtyard. Quickly beside him came an enthusiastic Firmin, bathrobe flying open, but he cared not as he too was about to be rich beyond his wildest dreams. Together they dove at the little man. The elfish soul was squirming and pleading to be let go, but they would not release him until he gave up his gold. The little fellow quickly surrendered what was wanted and ran across the courtyard. Trembling and baying, he dissolved into the city streets. The two new managers were arrested by the local gendarmes shortly thereafter.

The Leprechaun’s Perspective (the plaintiff):

I had one hell of a hangover, Messieurs. I had just gotten in from a pre St Patty’s day party where I had been throwing back some brews and hanging with my boys. The drive home through the rain was hell. The carriage driver couldn't see for shit, man. I had my BFF with me in the cab. Since we were dressed for the celebration, he thought it would be a hoot to go apply for jobs at the Opera House. So we had the driver pull into the employee’s entrance. We got out at the crack-ass of dawn, man. What a night! We hit the Human Relations window just as it was opening up. The pretty lady inside said, “Damn, I know our morning papers are getting all wet, turning to mush from the rain." I stumbled back and forth, excited, trying to make a good impression by showing off my celebration costume. My BFF shrugged and headed to the bathroom. I knew if I joined him, I’d pass out on the throne, so I decided to go on outside and grab these papers before they made a mess on the theater’s front steps. Make me a hero, right? So I walk out through the front lobby and at the front door I see this rainbow. I thought it was kind of cool and all, but the colors were making me queasy, so I didn’t look at it but just a second. I went to bend over and grab their precious dallies. (When are they going to get around to inventing those thin plastic sleeves? I mean really, we’ve had rain for centuries!) I suddenly heard this sound…like flip-flops running through water. I look up and see these two men, one’s flashing me – bathrobe billowing, the other’s got hair rollers tied with rags all over his head…I froze just as they dove into me. I'm yelling and kicking and shit. I mean I'm not that big and here I was getting jacked at a job apple-cation. It's terrible, man, you hear about these brazen burglaries and home invasions on the news and shit, but you can’t imagine how it feels until your getting jacked yourself. So no one hears me, or at least no one comes to help. They make me take off my all my bling-age and don’t let me go until I do. I finally got away from them and escaped into the city. Called up my home-boys at the 911 and got my shit back. Now I am suing for emotional damage and stuff.

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