Armand Moncharmin & Firmin Richard
Opera Theater Managers and Super Sleuths For Hire

by Steven Pentecost

We join our would-be heroes as they investigate a crime scene that has an unpleasant familiarity with other recent theatric events of dastardliness. It would seem that the caper was centered at a cupboard in the carpenter’s break room. Let's join our inventive manager-heroes as they unravel the mystery of: The Itchy Toed Opera Ghost.

Armand: Could you please describe the missing sandwich, Pierre?

Pierre: It was pastrami...on wheat. It was a good sandwich...or it would have been. Why?! Dear Lord, why?!

Armand: Let's take a break, Pierre. I’m afraid you’ve been through quite a lot. (Turns to Firman, who is swabbing the cupboard’s handle.) Why do they do this, Firman?

Firman: Why does who do what, Armand?

Armand: These criminal types, why do they prey on the unsuspecting innocents?

Firman: It's a tough company here, Armand. People get hungry and sandwiches go missing. I have finished dusting the cupboard handle, but I’m getting nothing. I’m telling you that we have no clues at all…unless...wait...this just might be a clue. (Firman gingerly lifts an item into view.)

Armand: What is it, Firman? (Armand leans in. Coughs and flicks a still lit cigarette into the nearby sink where it smolders on something.)

Firman: It appears to be a calling card. It reads: This cunning sandwich swipe brought to you courtesy of The Opera Ghost’s Toe Fungi. Beware of the Hidden Itch! (Firman looks at Armand.) What do you think? Is it a riddle?

Armand: I think it brings to light two questions, Firman. (Armand pulls out another cigarette.) First, why the hell did you waste all that fingerprint dust when there was a card right there telling you the culprit’s identity, and second, who is The Opera Ghost’s Toe Fungi? Do we have a Phantom and an additional co-conspirator with an itch?

Firman (as if pondering deeply): I can answer the first question immediately. I paid two francs for this dust and wanted to use it. Sadly, a response to the second question is not so easy. The Opera Ghost’s Toe Fungi might well be a second criminal element in our theatre, or is he an additional facet of the sinister puerile upstart we’ve had to deal with right from the beginning of our managerial positions? We still haven’t found that missing white horse. What was his name? Ah yes, Caesar!

Armand: Perhaps we should interview another victim of a similar heinous crime? This week there’s more than one sandwich missing, you know.

Firman: Roger that, Moncharmin. You have someone fetch another victim and I'll keep searching for clues over here.

(Armand bellows for Jerome to be brought in.) Armand (grabbing the sleeve of Jerome’s jacket): Jerome, when did you first notice that your sandwich was missing?

Jerome: Well it was just yesterday, Sir. I placed it on the shelf over there…where I normally do. Then I walked over to the wine keg to fill my bottle for the day. I saw Joseph Buquet over at the counter and walked back to move my sandwich further down the shelf. I should never have left sight of it. We work so hard, and I knew I would be hungry. I’m still hungry! Do you have anything to munch on in your pockets?

(Disgusted, Armand releases Jeremy. Dismisses him with an aggravated wave of his fingers and turns back to Firman.) Well, he doesn’t have any useful information either. This Fungi Opera Ghost Who Itches With His Toes was very meticulous in his crime. We have only the one clue to go on so far. Have you found anything else useful?

Firman (searching the countertops with his hands): No, not yet. Wait! This may be a clue. (From the sink he carefully picks up another potential piece of evidence.)

(Armand stamps out his cigarette on the kitchenette’s floor and leans in.) Armand: Pray tell, what have your got there?

Firman: It appears to be a Polaroid of a balding guy in a white skeletal mask and black cape…eating a Pastrami sandwich and setting down a calling card. Could this be our fungi infected Opera Ghost with the hidden itch and has taken hold of a toe?

(Armand studies the Polaroid.) Armand: It's inconclusive. It would appear that we are dealing with a criminal mastermind, Firman. This villain is toying with us! Per usual.

(Joseph Buquet enters with a Polaroid camera dangling from his neck and a fist full of cards. There is also a streak of pastrami smelling mustard on his shirt.) Joseph: What are you guys doing in here? This is the employees break room.

Firman: Let me handle this, Moncharmin. We're going to have to ask you to leave, Monsieur. This is a crime scene, and you may tainted the evidence in this location.

Joseph Buquet: Well, all right. I’ll go move some scenery and see you guys later.

Armand (hands on hips): I tell you, Firman, we are dealing with a crafty deviant! It will require all of our skills of deducing to bring him to justice. (Addressing the ceiling.) Oh vaporous thief, who are you? Who is The Opera Ghost’s Toe Fungi????

Firman: Is it possible that these numerous crimes will go unsolved?

Armand: It is a possibility, I suppose. But perhaps our wraith will return to strike again? It is said that these types always revisit the scenes of their crimes. Priggish egotists.

Firman: I am prepared to go the distance, my friend. Excuse me for just a second; I need to shoo-off Joseph Buquet. He’s leering at us from the corner of the doorframe…again.

Will our managerial heroes discover the secret identity of The Opera Ghost’s Toe Fungi…Beware of the Hidden Itch? Will Pierre and Jerome ever store their lunches in the break room again? Will Armand have another cigarette before leaving? Will Firman put two and two together and get four? Stay tuned for the ongoing saga of these two super sleuths! Next they will investigate the “The Case of the Stolen Parking Spot.”

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