How T’was That Christine Fell From Grace
An Unauthorized Biography & Warning

Most of us are familiar with the winter Christine became an evil and insensitive diva in the upper levels of the Paris Opera House. But very few of us know the story of how it was that she became the evil one. It all began back in her early days, when she had been brought as an orphan to work in the ballet corps. Before those dark days she was a happy smiling individual with the world at her feet. On her very first night in the dormitory, she met the voice of the individual who would rob her of all that joy and would eventually cause her to spiral into a life of evil.

Yes, you all know him as the Phantom. On that first fateful midnight, poor unsuspecting Christine was introduced to the Angel of Music; she happily sat up in her bed and warmly waved her hand in salutations. Her friendly jester was met with Erik jumping backwards, away from her bed…throwing various expletives at her in the dark. (Madame Giry had had a similar reception.) Being as tender as Christine once was she immediately ran to the women’s washroom with linen handkerchief in hand.

Once Madame Giry was able to coax her out, she assumed her responsibilities as a fledgling ballerina. She was never quite the same as she was in the beginning though. Hanging on for dear life to her last bit of jolliness, Erik would soon do away with that as well. Routinely he would force Madame Giry to watch as he unloaded difficult vocal practices onto their charge. Madame would slowly roll backwards into the shadows, laughing maniacally as poor Christine was gasping at the impossible workload given to her. Those were the good days, though. As time progressed, all Erik would allow her to do was repetitious strings of nothing but high “C” notes.

All this abuse would soon lead up to Christine cracking and begging to be transferred away from the ballet corps and into the chorus. We all know that she would eventually receive her requested reprieve, but it would come too late. Seeing that she would never be able to escape the clutches of an oppressive Erik, she did the only thing she could think to do. She decided to start re-directing her own mounting rage toward the Phantom. In an effort to let off steam, she solicited the aid of her little friend Raoul. Her plan had an unintended effect though. Madame Giry’s daughter Meg, seeing that their plan was a run on Erik’s sanity, decided to help in the cause of bringing Erik down and thus was born an unimaginable alliance. A union so evil that it has spawned hundreds of sequel books and websites…and has expanded their grasp clear across continents. They formed the Anti-Erik club. Christine had tasted power and liked the new sound of fear in Erik’s voice when he would come to visit her each night.

Slowly our mild mannered Christine had gone from nice and polite to a power hungry inflictor of suffering on Erik’s everywhere. The once fearful ballerina had now grown in her evil ways to even surpass that of her former tormenter. Once her transfer request was accepted and approved, it did not end her rain of terror on Erik but only strengthened her alliance with Raoul and Meg. No remorse, her power only grew stronger. Now that she was not in a place easily monitored she was free to plot even more heinous acts against Erik and any others who unsuspectingly crossed her path. Perhaps the biggest leap forward in her spiral to tyranny was when she and her team combined forces and started planning the death of that un-sympathetic co-worker, Joseph Bouquet.

Soon was hatched a plan to recruit members through fear and oppression to do their bidding. Each day they cackled to themselves as they plotted on the theater’s rooftop and ran poor pedestrians off the sidewalks below by raining water balloons down upon them. All the shrieks only helped them formulate their next day’s attack. With the nervous break down of the local Erik, they would need to expand their anti-Erik alliance’s charter to incorporate others. Currently they are on a propaganda campaign to take on anyone who even compliments any Erik. You can see their handy work at play by interviewing Madame Giry. She made the mistake once of complimenting Erik and they somehow got wind of it. That subtle accolade began a flurry of accusations and rebuttals. Poor Erik was branded a sociopathic criminal.

No one really knows where they are planning on taking things next, but you can be certain of one thing. They will definitely leave in their wake a tide of broken wretched people. If you ever see these cronies coming your way, hide and hope they pass you by. If you are a poor soul seated in front of any of these villains during your attendance at the theater, I would say this. Be on the lookout! Their attacks are preceded by either out right laughter accusing members of the audience of being nuts (two cans short of a six-pack, a Punjab without a knot). It can also be preceded by a muffled giggle with head shaking. If you detect either of these be on full-guard. As Erik can attest: It is coming!

Name Withheld For Safety Concerns

READER COMMENTS

Holy Splintered Aphrodite! And I thought we invented water balloons in college. I salute you monsieur, you are a true humorist.
Etienne

Hilarious! Riotous! Brilliant! evil ballet dancer of doom * said in sufficiently creepy tone of voice *. Good stuff!
G.K. Sinclair